Nothing is worst than to have lost the trust for another individual. Trust isn't something one can earn just by being one day together, or can it be bought using money. Its very subjective and require the other person's trust on another person.
Nan ren is stupid, just when nu ren started to gain trust in me, Nan ren let you down. Nan ren just throw it out the window. Something that is precious, nan ren could not take care of it. Stupid stupid nan ren. These words, "just when I want to belive you, I do not believe your words anymore... I do not believe your (past) words." will forever hunt me. This is a stupid mistake.
Now, nu ren do not trust me anymore. As much as i want nu ren to trust me, but NO, Nu ren, please don't trust nan ren. Nan ren is not reliable, nan ren is useless. Part of me want you to believe me again, while the other part of me dun wan you to get hurt again. The best would be not to trust me again, than nu ren will not be hurt again. Coz nan ren can't guarenty that I will not make nu ren sad again. Coz, if I broke our trust from time to time again, there is no use for nu ren to trust me anymore. I will just hurt nu ren again.
Actually is nan ren's fault. Nan ren should not have stayed back to help them. I've promised nu ren, and I should have kept to the promise. Nu ren must be sad for me not keeping my promise. Dun worry, no more activities for me. Especially next sem, I will not take up any activity again. I will stop CV, SOAR, CSS, AC... but not student coucil. Cz its a contract between me and council. If I was to pull out, it will be very shameful for me. No more OCing activities. No time. I do not wan to hurt nu ren again. :-)
Now I've to start from zero, nothing. I've to work my way up to the way it is now. Dun worry, nan ren will jia you. I did it once, I can do it again, it will be harder though. At least have 30% of trust back, haha, I do not how to calculate trust.....
I trust nu ren with everything. So nu ren, just want to let you know, I trust you alot more compare to last time. Why you might ask? Hehe, dun wan to tell you. Its very complicated maths and equation. My trust for you is not easily broken with minor bumps and crack in our relationship. It requires natural forces to break it. Nan ren is bullshitting again, dun mind nan ren.
Nan ren is heart broken to hear that nu ren do not believe me again. But its all nan ren's fault. I've to admit that fact. Which bf is stupid enuf to throw away his nu ren's trust for him, beside me. I've to work it back, i'll give it 200% effort this time. You are my focus.
Im really sorry, I do not know how to make it up to you. I wish I could turn back time, but nan ren does not have that ability to do so. Forgive nan ren this time. nah, dun forgive nan ren, forgive meaning you have to learn to trust me back, but i might hurt you again. No, dun forgive me, coz i canot forgive myself.
Muacks nu ren, I love you......
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nan ren~nan ren~ i'm so shocked and feel hopeless after reading ur blog... nan ren, i will never wan u to stop ur activities n other works!!! hell no! what i said to you earlier was juz part of my thoughts, i always have faith in you and i trust u, especially in loyalty. nan ren a, i'm sorry i made u sad... tat day, i was being too childish and over reacting... i was kinda disappointed n mad caz u were late but no big deal.. i know u will nvr be late or fail to turn up if it isn't for things come up in the middle...rite? like ur frens wan u to help out, it's fine wif me caz u are one of them rite? u shuld help ur frens once in a while..bt juz let me knw u will b late, tat's all i'm askin.
one thing i hate about myself is tat i've becoming a crybaby..damn! why do i always cry for little things? frankly, i nvr cried for anyone... u are the only guy tat i cried so many times...sometimes i cry juz becaz i miz u too much.
nan ren, dun ever belittle ur nu ren, ur nu ren is an understanding gf plus i wn't juz lost my faith in u juz becaz u were late for once~ haha... i think u are scared of me, huh?
love u~~~ muacks!!!!
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