My hearts beats fast

Nu ren, I do not know whether have you realise by now, but everytime when you see me cough, it maybe my heart beating very fast. Coz, when im sad, my hearts beats very fast. Not just sad, being worried, or being hurt by my loved ones will cause my heart to beat very fast.

Let me tell you how do I feel when my hearts beats fast. My hands will start to shake, I will cough, and it becomes worst, i will cough very hard, with the feeling of can't breath, like my world is falling apart, my heart is being hurt like a knife is pierced through, and it can't seem to pump. Than i'll feel like I want to vomit. To sum it up, its just not a good feeling, a feeling of I wan to die.

Nu ren, u remember I said to you, I do not want to die from this. Than you just replied me, its no problem, its normal for you. This kills me even more, is that the best you can do, cheer me up by saying this kinds of words? I really feel that i can die from experiencing it everytime.

You promised me you will hold my hands. Where has that promise go to? Have you forgoten it? You will not hold my hands no more. You are not there when I most needed you. Even you're right in front of me, you know im not feeling well, you just let me be. This makes the problem even worst. You know that I'm not alright, yet you still ast so innocent, like duno anything. Yet, have to let me tell you whats wrong.

Nu ren, please, im begging you, do not leave me alone to suffer the pain. You holding my hands will help alot. Plus, just be with me, lean on me, look me into my eyes to comfort me etc. There is so much you could do. Small small things a girlfriend does for his boyfriend.

I can't say anymore, im hurt, sad. I wan to cry. Nu ren, i love you, and i hope that you love me too. Mmuacks!!! *Sob