Nu ren, (feels sick troughout wrinting it, but ive to write what I want to say)
There is one thing still ponders in my head. Its hard for me to get it off. It was at Valentines day night. We had a rough start. I still remember. Because I was so looking forward to it, but yet, the response I got from you was, "im not interested, what the heck, since he is so in to it, I just go with him" But I tried my best to overlook that. I could not believe I got such a reaction. Something that I was so looking forward to and getting such reply.
If you remember, you rejected me to dinner, watch movie, rejected my drink, which later said you wan to buy drinks, and after I told you i need to eat dinner, than you said lets have dinner. Than at dinner, you said again, can we watch another movie. The reason you gave me was you wanted to do smthing. You scare that after we reach home early, we will do nothing. That I will do bu san bu shi de things. I will never forget those words. it pierce through my heart. I had the night planned for you, yet.....
Than you were angry at me. Im sad, but I tried to cheer you up. But you just won't look at me. not even a glance, than later, you got fed up. You said a sentence. This sentence really had pierce into my heart, a scare that is so deep, i still can feel the pain until today. you said, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CAN'T TAHAN IF I DID NOT TALK TO YOU IZIT?" And plus, your tone was so mad. I was crying inside. Until today, those words still hurts. Does it mean that i've to get use to the ways you not talking to me? Is that love at all? Does love even exist in this form? :-(
But later, you lean onto me, that makes me feel glad and happy. But during that night, I did not thought of what happen, and I did ask you did you have a great night. later at home, we ate chocolate, light a fireworks and etc etc, confidential.. and nu ren and nan ren knows.
Its hard for me to forget it, coz its on valentines day. It happen on that special day. But nu ren, please dont do it to me again. I do not wan to remember the bad things, i just want good things to happend between us. Muacks nu ren.
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damn! i know u are concorned about wat had happened tat nite... arghh~~ i was so regret tat i ruined ur plan. i'm sorry nan ren... i dunno why myself, y i always hurt the guys i like on the Valentines Day... and the thing u said abt bu shan bu shi things.. hell no! i have faith in u and myself, we will nvr do things tat're overboard..
sometimes i'm mentally ill, i think... i hurt u unconciously and i did not know...i hate myself for tat..reali, i do.
nan ren, i'm glad we had spent the 1st Valentine's Day... i reali do.
and for the rest of the 6 firecrackers... we will fire them up starting our 7th month being 2gether... i'm sorry if i had hurt u when i rejected u again...
i will change... i will.
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